History Lesson: Where It All Began

Before you can really understand where I’m going with this blog, you have to understand where I’ve been. 

I grew up an only child in a small but affluent town in Texas. Its next to a big city so we weren’t lacking for anything but apparently the great schools are one of the things that drew my parents to that location. I hadn’t really dated in high school so I just knew college was going to be my window to find the perfect guy and maybe find a degree along the way.

I went to a conservative college in another small town where women were expected to be engaged at the very least by the time they graduated. It was the type of school that people would joke about women only being there to get their M.R.S. degrees…aka I’m here to find a guy studying engineering, premed, or pre law so I can hitch my wagon to his and live the good life. Memes were also starting to get more popular and there was one going around modeled after the intro to the MTV show TrueLife. It was “true life: I want to be a well-educated trophy wife”. It was very popular among the students. It was also like 2008 so cut us some slack lol.

I was really, really Christian back then. And while I didn’t go to a Christian college, there was a very heavy religious influence among the students. Man, my life is so different now lol. Anyway, the slump…

I graduated in 2012 at 22 years old and I was so clueless back then. I was CONVINCED I was going to get a job and move to a new city and start a professional career directly from college despite not really doing the prep work to secure a job. Like I had applied to a few places but I applied to positions that I WAS NOT qualified for. I had a job back home but it was part time and I really only worked there during the holiday breaks when I was off from school. I’m going to be honest…idk what I thought I was doing. Anyway, I was SO convinced I was moving to another city to start a life there that I bought a puppy, my boxer boy Shine. It surprisingly caused some drama with my family (separate post to come later on that lol). 

Of course, the job thing didn’t happen and I cried the whole 3 hours as I drove back home with my parents after they came to pack me up. Not only was I still single at 22, but I was also without a big girl job. It was all bad. 

I went back to work with the nonprofit company where I spent my holidays and picked up more hours. That was probably the most fun I’ve ever had at a job. I got to play with kids literally all day. I also met my 2 best friends, Sparkle and Gloss. 

Time goes on and I continue working at this place having a blast until I’m around 25. In America, kids are automatically kicked off of their parents insurance at 26 and since that job was part time, employees didn’t have access to insurance. So after a brief stint of working with a homebuilder that was doomed to fail (separate post on that later), I landed in a sales/car rental position. I knew when I applied for the job that it wasn’t going to be one that I was in long term because I’m not passionate about car rental or sales. I just needed a company that would cover health insurance for me. So I took the job.

It started out fun but became one of the worst jobs I‘ve ever had. It was fun because I liked the people I was working with. We were all around the same age and we were all competitive so we also pushed each other to be the best branch in the area. Turns out we were the highest earning branch in the area due to our drive and the healthy dose of competition. We got a lot of praise and a lot of perks for making the company so much money. But it sucked because I felt like I was taking advantage of people. 

Anyway, I was there for about a year and a half then I moved to an insurance company. That would end up being the worst job I’ve ever had. Not only was it stressful because it was sales, but the people were absolutely terrible. Not all of the people but my friends were in another office so I was surrounded by varying degrees of the terrible ones. I left that job after a year and a half as well. 

Over the course of these 3 years, I developed some really unhealthy habits. Alcohol became a crutch and I was drinking almost every night and eating whatever junk I could get my hands on. I was really unhappy and it showed in my body and my attitude towards myself and towards others.

I looked around at the people at the insurance job and realized they had been there for YEARS. Like 10 years, 20 years, 30 years, and ready for retirement. I realized then that I would die if I had to stay in that environment. I’m not sure if I meant die literally but I knew that I would never be happy if I had to stay in such a toxic work environment. 

One of the women I met at that company (NAME FOR APRIL AND JAZZ???) is a born hustler. She’s a travel agent and she and her daughter are still two of my dear friends. She introduced me to gig work. So without any type of plan, other than gig working my way through my bills and striking out to find my passion, I left my position at the insurance company. The last day of my job with the insurance company was 12/31/2019. I was 29 years old.

While I was gigworking, I was able to think about what I wanted to do with my life. My dad, who LOVED his career, always says that if you find something you would do for free, you’ll never work a day in your life. That was my ultimate goal. So I went back to my roots. What do I like?

I’ve been keeping a journal for several years and I love the cathartic relief that came with dumping something out of my brain in written form. I also love sharing my point of view on different topics, good, bad, or indifferent. So I decided I wanted to write. I wrote for a few new online mags for free to get some experience and then I started getting hired to blog professionally. I worked with several online developmental journals about car, home, and health insurance. 

But it wasn’t until I started working with my aunt that I fell in love with grants. I’m a nonprofit girlie through and through: I tried the for-profit sector and it made me want to gouge my eyes out. I was thrilled to learn that grants were primarily for nonprofits looking to make ends meet. She didn’t have the time to teach me about grants and I realized that there was a ton of stuff I didn’t know so I looked for a nonprofit willing to take on a newbie with a passion for grant writing. I found one and it has been a PERFECT fit. 

I love my company. I love our cause. I love the people I work with. And it’s a problem for me lol.

When I first started applying for grant writing positions, I figured I would get hired with a company and work with them for a few years to learn the ropes and then strike out on my own as a freelancer. My plans were thwarted when I realized that I love this company. Of course its not perfect but I’m having so much fun EVERY DAY learning about grants and spending time with my coworkers and the people who make sure our little world keeps on spinning. Its phenomenal. Idk how I’ll ever leave lol.

But now that I’m somewhere that makes me happy, I’m more motivated to live a life deserving of the privilege I live every day. I know I shouldn’t base my care for myself on what I do but we spend so much time building up our careers. When I was stressed and unhappy, I didn’t care what happened to me. I just wanted some relief and I needed to survive from day to day. Now that I’m somewhere that makes me happy, I want to be happy everywhere. That includes my body, my space, and my life in general.

That’s the motivation for this blog space. I wanted somewhere to record my journey as I found my way back to me. 

So welcome to my little slice of the internet! Thank you so much for coming on this journey with me. While I know I don’t have it all figured out, I plan to share my wins and my losses, hoping they’ll make your life a little easier along the way.

Part of the fun of making this content is engaging with my readers so please let me know what you think in the comments and don’t forget to subscribe to know when I put out a new post.

Thanks a ton. I’ll see you in the next one.

-Radiance